"But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts."
Psalm 103:17-18 (NIV)
I obsess about my mothering. One of the biggest ways the enemy comes against me is to have me replay in my mind all that I didn't do and should have done with my children each day. These troubling thoughts come at night when the lights are out. If I let him, he can convince me that I am a terrible failure in this area with hardly any effort on his part. I don't need any reminding to see my faults in this area.
Today I was listening to a radio program and a story a guest was sharing about her little boy jumped off the airwaves into my ears. I have been thinking about what she said all day. This woman shared something that her little boy told her when he was almost six years old. As she was sitting on his bed to tuck him in and get the last kiss of the night, he quietly asked her this question:
"Mommy, when God talks to you, what does it sound like?"
"Has He been talking to you, honey?" she asked.
"Yes, Mommy. One night when I was just about to go to sleep, I heard God talking to me, but not in my ears. He talked to me here-right in here." He pointed to his chest.
Of course, her maternal curiosity couldn't let the conversation stop there.
"What did He say to you, honey?" she gently prodded.
"He said, 'Clint [the little boy's name], I love you.'"
My sweet girlfriends, for all of us who struggle so much with mommy guilt--for yelling too much and encouraging and loving too little, for those of us worn out by the laundry and dishes that are never done, for all the gaps we see in our mothering--we have Jesus who loves our babies more than we ever will. I believe that He whispers into our children's ears, "I love you," and fills in the holes that our humanness cannot possibly cover. We will never be enough to our children. And guess what? God has made it that way. They need to find Jesus for themselves.
So for anyone else who needs encouragement today over this long journey we have undertaken in raising the next generation of God-fearing children, let's take heart that if we are seeking Jesus first and His righteousness in our lives, all these things will be added to us. And for all that's left undone, He will cover the gaps with Himself.
Jesus, as much as I want to be the perfect mommy, You and I know how woefully inadequate I feel. This is the most difficult area of trust for me. I constantly fear that I might not be living the example of Your power in my children's lives. What makes it so difficult is that the result of all I am doing and am not doing take so long to see. Help me to ask for Your wisdom daily. I so desperately need it. I cannot raise these children without Your guidance. I cling to Your Word as my hope. Take my feeble abilities and cover them with Your grace. And when I fail, please tell my babies that You love them so that they know that it is You talking.