"I cry to you, O LORD;
I say, 'You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.'
Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me."
Psalm 142:5-7 (NIV)
Have you ever faced anything that was absolutely impossible without a miraculous intervention? I am facing something like that right now. Everyday, I must tell the terror that sits on my chest like a Mack truck that it must move because my God has not given me a spirit of fear, but one of power, and love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). Even though I have never been more desperate in my life, I will tell you that I am more aware of my need for my Jesus than I ever have been before. I have no alternative but to go to Him over and over again with my fear, my desperation, my cries that He deliver me--that He rescue me and show me His glory.
I'll tell you a huge thing I am learning as my prayers over a certain situation have changed from weeks to months and months to years: It is my right as the daughter of the King to tell the King what I need. God may not resolve the situation how I would like or He may not do it fast enough for my time table, but I am slowly starting to believe the truth that He has gone before me and will level the mountains; He alone will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I am finding that He will give me the treasures of darkness--when I cannot see Him--riches stored in secret places, so that I may know that He is the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons me by own name (Isaiah 45:2-3).
It is Satan, the father of lies, who tells me that my God does not hear me or is not acquainted with all my ways. He is the voice that alternately whispers or screams that God has forsaken me to figure out this huge problem out on my own. He doesn't know any other language than lying (John 8:44).
And although I have to refocus constantly, I cannot forget that no weapon formed against me will prosper, Satan has been defeated, and my joy is eternal because heaven is my promised home. My God does not lie--not ever. But He does teach me, He does discipline, and He glories in my desperation for Him. It's all a setup for Him to show up and show Himself mighty in the middle of my desperate situation. My God is all about lavishly pouring out blessing if I remain desperate. This is not a bad place because my Jesus holds me in the palm of His hand--that righteous right hand that always has, is right now, and will forever work wonders. The miraculous is what He is all about.
Jesus, keep me desperate. It's only there that I recognize how empty my life is without the continual reminder of Your presence. You have never been unfaithful--never. I just could not always see--and still don't at times--that You are the Master of the storm. Desperation lets me see You!