God has the right to do whatever He wants with me...or not.
Something is slowly dawning on me. I am in the process of head knowledge becoming heart knowledge. That process is long and tedious and is something I have been coming to realize in bits and pieces over the last three or four years.
I am reading through the greatest revolutionary tool of my spiritual life for the 12th time - the One Year Chronological Bible by Tyndale. This Bible lays out Scripture as though it were a story. It has increased my understanding of Scripture as it unfolded like nothing else. I happen to be in the book of Jeremiah right now.
Jeremiah had the most unenviable task of prophesying to deaf ears that judgment was coming. He was beaten, thrown into a cistern, and died after seeing his beloved countrymen taken into exile. What was his reward? A scarred body, a broken heart, and a life unworthy to be remembered by earth's standards. He was mocked and scorned throughout his entire ministry. He even wanted God to take his life because he was so lonely and miserable.
Daniel of the famed lions' den lived not long after Jeremiah. He was exiled from his homeland, but he enjoyed the praise of the foreign kings under whom he served. He was vindicated. He saw the hearts of the most powerful men on earth turn to believe in the one true God, Jehovah. And he was rescued from the jaws of the lions in a most powerful display that God's blessing and favor were with him.
Jeremiah never was vindicated. He was never exalted. Scripture does not even make it clear where he died.
Was God unfair to Jeremiah because he lived and died and no one ever recognized his value? If God is the Creator of both men, He has the right to use both Jeremiah and Daniel for his own purposes. And what may seem unfair cannot be judged by anyone but Him.
There will be some of us who will go to our graves never having achieved a "big" ministry. Perhaps our gifts are those which serve behind the scenes. We will never get the recognition that others do who have more public gifts even though we have been asked to be faithful where we are. Some of us will constantly have to be on our knees for God to supply the resources that are impossibly short. Some of us will have to wait for eternity to judge our work because it will go unnoticed by most.
I forget that earth is just a lay-over, a stopping place, a dress rehearsal for the real story of heaven to begin. I cannot begin to fathom why God chooses to use His children in the ways that He does. I can drive myself crazy, become unbelievably bitter, and completely miss out finding out the real reason why I was created - to bring Him the greatest glory by living in the abundant life He promised is mine. I can't get tripped up on how my abundant life may look different than I thought it would. It will do me a world of harm to compare myself to someone else - to try to be someone I am not.
It is slowly dawning on me...God owes me no explanation whatsoever. The real truth is that I deserve hell. It is only through His mercy through the salvation offered by Jesus Christ that I am not getting what I deserve. Any way that He uses me is a privilege. I can fritter my years on earth away longing for someone else's position, ability, talent or creativity. Or I can rest knowing that the individual plan He has for me is the truest pathway to fulfillment and lasting joy. And in resting there, I can leave behind all the "what if's" and "if only's" and serve Him with my whole heart.
He has the right - that's why.