Would you describe yourself as being self-reliant?
I learned to be self-reliant when I went away to boarding school as a sophomore in high school. I didn't realize what was happening at the time to my heart. I would grow up and marry a wonderful man, but I had unconsciously made a promise to myself that I would never let my heart truly love him the way I wanted or needed to. As a missionary kid (MK), my life was a revolving door of people who came and went regularly. Heartbreaking goodbyes were a regular part of life. And the constant process of trying to adjust to a new normal was an everyday learning experience.
The Lord has had to do some serious chipping away at the stone fence around my heart due to my efforts to protect myself from getting hurt by relying on any one person for too long. My strong marriage today has nothing to do with me - it is a testament of God's scandalous grace and the unwavering love of Rob Lantz through almost twenty years of becoming one person.
This is probably the gift I struggle with the most! It has been an excruciating process to allow my vice grip of control to loosen. I belong to the most amazing heavenly Father whose creativity never ceases to amaze me. I have had plenty of hard lessons as He has tried to show me that dependency on Him is a gift. This last year, He has blessed me with a precious teacher who has taught me more about what dependency and its benefits look like without her saying a word.
Thanks for spending time with me today. Merry Christmas!
My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me. Psalm 131:1-2